Successful Reciprocation
“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” -St. Luke (The Golden Rule)
I’ll bet you’ve heard that phrase above hundreds of times. In fact, I’ll bet you’ve heard it so many times that you don’t even think about it when you hear it now. Our brains are wired to minimize repetitious things using a sort of mental shorthand. I want to spend this month looking deeper into that statement and what it means or can mean for you. It’s one of the greatest secrets to success out there. Success tip number one: to be more successful in your personal life, consider what it means to actually do unto others as you would like them to do unto you.
One problem with the “Do unto others…” phrase is that the wording is a little arcane. Another way it can be stated is, “Treat other people the way you want to be treated.” What would that be like? Most of us want to be treated warmly by other people; it’s human nature. We all want to be liked, so when someone goes out of their way to indicate that they genuinely appreciate something about us, we are happy. Even the most cynical people, the ones who always have a sarcastic comeback to a compliment, are secretly pleased by them. It’s so easy to do and it’s free. Success tip number two: Treat others in a way that indicates that you sincerely like something about them – you may be surprised at how they’ll react.
An important facet of the golden rule concerns how you treat people who aren’t there. How do you feel when you’re sure someone you know is saying bad things about you when you’re not there? You have probably had a friend tell you about someone else saying negative things about you. This often leads to badmouthing the person who badmouthed you, a downward spiral which is probably the exact opposite of how you hope others would treat you. When we badmouth someone, even with what we think is good reason, it has consequences. Although they may never hear what we say, it still poisons our attitude towards them. Focusing on someone’s negative traits (and everyone has negative traits) magnetizes our attention to unfavorable aspects whenever we see them causing us to treat them differently. Now, how do you like it when someone starts treating you like that? Success tip number three: Treat others well even when they aren’t there to keep you focused on their positives.
Observing the golden rule tends to shift your attention away from you by trying to see things from a different perspective. This is really the key to the Golden Rule. Consider the mental gymnastics involved: you have to step outside yourself and think about different ways another person might treat you and how that would make you feel. I suspect one of the greatest problems we have in treating others well is that we imagine them to be objects that should be treated in whatever way best serves us. Removing that focus and thinking about others as if you were them and they were you helps us to break out of such selfish modes, expanding our understanding. Success tip number four: consider how you would want to be treated if you were someone else and you will broaden your mind and worldview in a positive way.
An added benefit of such thinking exercises is that, over time, they become habits. Pushing your perception of others outside of the selfish confines of your own needs does take work at first. You have to step back from a ‘you focus’ and see others as being sort of an extension of yourself. However, the more you do it, the easier it becomes. Conversely, the easier it becomes, the more you will do it. Eventually this will become second-nature to you and you will not have to think about it at all, but will just naturally begin to behave towards others in a positive and supportive way. Success tip number five: with practice, seeing things from a different perspective soon becomes an easy, positive habit.
The best part of this is the effect it will have on you. On the surface, it may seem best to do the easiest and most obvious things we can to make ourselves happy. However, when we aren’t concerned about others needs, our attitude sours, making us more miserable. Focusing outside of ourselves by treating others as we’d like to be treated is like a ray of sunshine in the darkness. The benefits are twofold. First, you feel better about yourself for being concerned about others. Second, other people often reciprocate. Even when they don’t, I find that someone else, somewhere else eventually will. Whatever you project into the world eventually returns to you many times over (either positive and negative). Success tip number six: using the Golden Rule to make others happy has the magical effect of making you happy.
Have a great month!
