Eastport Pirate Festival, 2013 - Eastport, ME
Miss Felicity and Lob, Shipboard
Introduction: This being the true and faithful account of the good surgeon Mission who was abducted by the crew of the bad ship Mercury who are no where to be seen in this particular adventure. Also featuring accounts of the borrowed monkey Lob who will get in the way at every oppor- "Who borrows Lob? Lob is not property. Lob is a free monkey! He will throw his own poop at anyone who say it other." We're not having this discussion here. This is the introduction. All the period accounts introduce their book and let the readership know what they are about to read in a lofty third person voice. "Lob is no person so I can do whatever Lob likes. And Lob no likes the introduction. Stop now." It's tradition. "Lob no does care. On with the show!"
Chapter 1: A brief mention of Thursday night, where nothing happened other than the surgeon being hungry and then moving on to Friday day, where there was a sort of informal pirate parade (which Don Dunbar called a 'Charge Up' Team) through the streets of Eastport, followed by dinner at- "What, there's more this crap? Wasn't one squiggly talk enough? Lob no wants to read any more squiggly talk! Lob wants to read about star: Lob! Now!" Er, right.
I'm not saying this is a US Airways pilot. (Well, maybe I'm not.)
The first thing that happened on this trip was the cancellation of my flight. Now, I don't want to demean any airline companies, but I was traveling on US Airways and they had changed my flight twice in the past couple of months making me verify the changes each time. This turned out to be a good thing, because one of these changes was only going to give me a 15 minute layover. (You can't even get off a plane in 15 minutes. Why would ANY airline do that?)
It wouldn't have mattered, of course, because, as I already mentioned, they cancelled my flight about two hours before it was scheduled to leave. So I had to call and schedule a new flight, which left 45 minutes earlier. While doing that, they changed my return flight (without telling me) so that I got back three hours later. (I had originally paid extra NOT to be on that flight.)
You know what? I do want to demean US Airways. They completely suck. There. On top of everything else, they made Lob ride in my checked luggage because they were afraid he was going to throw his feces at the other passengers. "Stpfhd errplnnn sufst bug sllmee!" See, he's still in the luggage. In fact, let's just leave him there. "Lbb hrrff dtt!"
Lob Amongst the Chocolate
On the plus side, I did get to Bangor, Maine at the time originally scheduled - around 5 pm. I picked up my rental car. I was hungry, but I figured there would be a fast food joint on the way from Bangor to Eastport (which was about 2-1/2 hours northeast of Bangor.) Now, I can already hear you Maine residents laughing at the poor ship's surgeon, who had never been to Maine. There is NOTHING between Bangor and Eastport, at least not on the route the GPS took me. On top of that, Eastport apparently rolls up the sidewalks at twilight, so I was starving by the time I got to the rental house where I was staying with fellow reenactors Keith and Leigh.
Fortunately, the fridge was stocked and Klaus Chroszielewski had arrived the day before bringing a huge bowl of German chocolate. The minute I opened my suitcase, Lob ensconced himself in the bowl. "Lob hates stupid airplane! It is really cold in suitscase! Lob likes chocolate." Everyone likes chocolate.
"Stand Back! I have a Lob and
I'm not afraid to use it!"
As it happened, the house that Leigh had rented allowed pets, so she had decided to bring her two dogs - Sammie and Sophie. Like many friendly dogs, they were very excited to see a new face. (I mean Lob, not me.) "Aiee! Lob no likes dog! Go away doggie! Get ou-hpmmmthhh!"
Sammie and Sophie have a bunch of stuffed animals that they like to play with. (By 'play with', I mean 'chew on vigorously to the point where they sometimes require reattachment or amputation of key body parts.') Klaus had even brought a couple of new stuffed animal toys for them to play with, making them well conditioned to receiving new stuffed animals for subsequent dismantling. (BTW, bringing all the good little dogs gifts makes him Santa Klaus. Ha ha ha! Ahem. Sorry.) As a result, Lob had two furry nemeses in this house. "Leggo Lob, ugly doggie beast! Yieeee-eeeee-eeee!"
Now, Sophie was six at the time of my writing this and comported herself like a mature dog who had been raised by cats. (This is true. Leigh told me so.) So she was interested in Lob as a plaything, but not nearly as much as Sammie. "Iiiiieeeee! Lob no wants to go flying! Lob no wants to go flyyyyyyyyyyyinnnnnnng!" See, Sammie was less than a year old and behaved like a big, playful puppy.
 Photo: Leigh Collins Sophie and A Some of the Dogs' Stuffed Animal Collection |
 Photo: Leigh Collins Sammie & Klaus' Gift Animals |
 Photo: Leigh Collins Sammie and Lob |
To make matters worse (for Lob), I carried him around in my side coat pocket everywhere I went so that I could get him out quickly when a photo op occurred. As a result, when I was sitting in the chairs in the rental house, Sammie (who particularly liked Lob) would saunter up to me and put her head in my lap as if she wanted to be petted. So I dutifully pet her. Then she would draw her head slowly out of my lap and surreptitiously grab Lob on the way. This happened at least five or six times. "Put Lob down! Teeths is sharp! Teeths is sharp! Dumb doggieeeeeee!"
 Sammie Waiting For Lob |
 "I'll trade this lobster for the monkey..." |
 Sammie and Her New Favorite Chew Toy: Lob |
Of course, with monkey lovers like these two, I had to reenact a movie scene with them and Lob. "Lob no wants to do movies! Lob is more TV monkey! Not ready for his close up!"
 Sammie and Sophie Reenact a Movie Scene for the Author |
 The T-Rex's Fight Over Poor Eddie Carr - Over His Car |
Not much else happened on Friday night - Klaus watched football and Keith, Leigh and I chatted a bit. Then we all turned in..
The Flags on the Crow's Nest
Since it was an early night, I was up with the sun. I wasn't out in the main area of the house long before Klaus appeared with his camera. He wanted to get some photos
The Living Room - The Windows Face the Sunrise View
of the sunrise over Canada. He explained to me that he was going to the 'crow's nest' which was the weekend's euphemism for a deck which had been built on the roof of the house.
You wouldn't think that going up one story would be that much of an improvement over standing in the living room looking out the wall of windows on the house's side. You would be wrong. It was splendid. To add to the scene, there was a pirate flag flying on the house's flagpole (and another one was facing the road on the opposite side of the deck.) Keith later told me that the guy who owned the house had put them up for us. Tres cool.
 Oh, Canada! |
 This Metal Sculpture Reminded Me of The One In Portmerion |
Part of Downtown Eastport
Keith and Leigh got up not long after that. Klaus and Keith made breakfast (Klaus made meat and Keith the eggs. So I was only able to eat Keith's cooking since I don't eat meat.) There was a plan to spend the morning with our fellow pirates visiting the senior center that morning. Keith, Leigh and me got into our garb. Klaus decided to go back to bed. (It was the kind of laid-back event where you could do that if you wanted.)
We arrived downtown and I got my first look at the town center, which you see in the photo at right. Well, it wasn't quite as fuzzy as that photo is. Stynky had caused me to drop my camera at Dragoncon the weekend before this and the lens wouldn't retract fully. You may have noticed that some of these photographs look fuzzy around the edges. This is not an artistic effect, this was moisture on the lens of my failing camera or something.
Seeing no pirates we wandered down the hill into downtown proper. The first people we ran into in pirate garb were the gentleman and woman you see in the photo below left. Leigh asked me what I thought he did for a living. I sensed this was a trick question - we were in Maine where Steven King owns radio stations, so I was cagy about answering that. It turns out that his name was Ross and he owned quite a bit of local real estate according to Leigh. He was also one of the event organizers. Ross was very effusive in welcoming us and thoroughly embraced the idea of being pirates for the weekend. I was particularly fascinated with his footwear, which you can see below center. While it was nothing like being period correct, I decided it was still distinctly cool.
Ross gave me a roll of Eastport Pirate Festival stickers and told me to hand them out. He gave Leigh a whole bunch of silver pirate necklaces. Within minutes, a contingent of pirates appeared and Ross continued to hand out trinkets. Then we headed off for the Eastport Senior Center.
 Ross and Friend |
 Pirates Would Have Worn This if They Could Have |
 Making Our Way to the Senior Center |
This Guy CLEARLY Needs a Surgeon!
We burst into the senior center. Up until that point, I hadn't been sure what to do with all the stickers Ross had given me, but now their purpose became abundantly clear. So our group started parcelling out
stickers, beads and the other trinkets. Some of the pirates sat down and chatted with the seniors, who were as feisty
The Pirates and the Seniors Converse
(if not more so) than the pirates. Many of them were wearing pirate hats and clothing. They had even decorated the place, as you may notice in the photos here.
The seniors were having lunch when we arrived and they invited us to partake. You generally don't have to ask a group of reenactors to do that twice. They had a guest pianist in for the day who was going to play music for them, so the seniors encouraged her to play for us. Ross and Dutch joined her. While she didn't play any chanties, she knew some old standards like You Are My Sunshine.
 Keith and Leigh Talking With Some of the Seniors |
 Pirates Love to Talk... |
 Dutch, Don & Ross Sing! |
We eventually left, headed for... well, I had no idea where we were headed for, but Ross was leading us with his authoritative walking staff and we all followed him down the street, moving away from town.
While we were walking, Keith told me that he loved gigs like the senior center, because it allowed him to to procure 'pocket food'. Pocket food? He produced a carrot. "What some?" I demurred. He shrugged, looked at the carrot, brushed it off a bit and ate it.
Pocket food. Huh. (I personally can't see this catching on.)
 Keith Reaching for Some Pocket Food |
 After Only a Quick Brush to Remove Lint... |
 ...It's Edible! |
As we were walking along, I noticed a lot of decorations. In fact, this was sort of running theme for the weekend. I have been to several events in towns and cities and, with the exception of Put-in-Bay, I had never seen a town embrace a pirate event quite the way Eastport had done. Eastport even topped Put-in-Bay because many of the local houses had been decorated with pirate flags, displays, banners and other paraphernalia. Some of them were quite elaborate. I wish I had taken photos of them to share, but I was worried about my wonky camera.
We stopped a few blocks later so Don could run into a hairdresser's and fetch someone to take a group shot of us. You see that below.
 The Pirate Road Crew: From Left (standing): Kathleen Marie Esposito, Don Dunbar, Sarah Mounsey-Sams, Stephanie Crozier, Anthony Giard, Wilson Byerhoff, James Jordon, Chris Brown, Dutch (Robert Isenberg), Leigh and Keith Collins, Ross Furman and Friend. (Kneeling/Sitting): Mission, unknown, Miss Felicity and Kita and Melissa Newcomb. |
Raye's Mustard Store in Eastport, Maine
From there, we went into several local businesses including two banks, the local IGA grocery store, the Family Dollar store and Raye's Mustard, maker of "old-fashioned, stone ground mustard." I was informed by someone that they were the Easternmost North American mustard mill. By itself, that doesn't win you any awards, of course, but they had managed to win over 40 awards for their mustards, including one at the Napa Valley Mustard Celebration. (What? You didn't know there was a Napa Valley Mustard Celebration? You really need to get out more.)
I wish I could be a proper travel writer and tell you all about the mustard there, but we weren't staying very long in any given place and I had another, more important mission while here: to reenact the famous Bluto mustard pouring scene with some genuine, Easternmost stone-ground mustard. (Ya' gotta' have priorities.)
 Mission Looks at the Jar of Raye's Mustard |
 Then He Pours it on his Chest |
 Just like Belushi! |