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Fort Taylor Pyrate Invasion Nov/Dec 2012 - Key West, FL

Chapter 3rd:
Photo: Krystian Williams
Mission Has a Brand New Bag. Of the Friday Battle, including Preparations for the first of the three weekend battles; Very strange battlefield artwork and a little bit about one of the even stranger fussbudgets who created it; A rescued hat; The battle which involved a whole lot of cannon firing with supporting noise from those with small arms (this is not a reference to underdeveloped appendages, it means "not cannons"); A view from one of the four ships who participated in the battle; Both sides advancing towards each other; Some people actually remembering to fall down wounded so that the surgeon can administer his patented cure-all and What happened on the fort wall.

Eventually it rolled around to battle time, so I threw a cloth over the surgeon's instruments so that people wouldn't come up and grab things and hurt themselves and stuffed the necessary surgical instruments for field surgical treatments in the Doctor Watson bag Fayma Callahan had gotten for me. I then headed out for the pirate side of the battle field. I had to make the most of today since I had decided NOT to get up in time to attend the battle planning meeting schedule for tomorrow. (I refuse to be driven by the clock while in Key West. This is one reason I like coming here: time can be given the mitten.)

There were several curious displays at the end of the battle field. I asked what they were and someone told me, "Art." (Capital 'A.') No offense to the artists, but it was the kind of art that can only be described as 'interesting', by which I mean 'rather bizarre and almost absurdly inappropriate given its setting.'

Photo: Mission Battlefield 'Discs' - Reminds me of the Dr. No Credits

Photo: Mission A Structure... or Something

Photo: Mission Cast-Iron Curlicues Overlooking a Ship

Photo: Mission Water-Bottle Rafts. (I don't think I'd like to try them at sea, thanks.)

Photo: Mission Finally Something Useful! A Flora Foxhole

Photo: Mission
The Artist Storming Around Devil's Triangle with a Wax
Sewer Grate Cover - Er, I Mean to Say, 'Art' There were a few people watching us form up from the path on the fort side of the battle field, which I later learned were some of the artists. The female artist became what I can only describe as irrationally angry with us, wanting no discussion or soothing on our part because she was sure we were there with the express purpose of wrecking her art with our big clumsy feet and loud guns. I couldn't help but think of that scene where Greg Marmalard was talking with Babs while they were building the Omega float and he said, "That's typical! Just when we're doing something important."

Photo: Uh, borrowed...
Someone - it may have been Wasabi - named the area she had marked off with a snow fence as 'The Devil's Triangle' and told us we were not to trespass for fear that we would ruin the Art. "Avoid the devil's triangle!" he kept hollering, which is probably good advice in any circumstance. Of course, this wasn't enough for the agitated artist and she eventually stormed off with her bike, muttering under her breath. I consider myself an artist (of a sort) and I must say that it's people like her that stick we artists with the label 'temperamental.' (Have I ragged on these poor people enough yet?)

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While the artist was storming off, trying to make sure that everyone suffered for her art (apparently not), the pirates were busily setting up for the battle that was to take place.

Photo: Don Dunbar Jack and Israel working as Cannon Mules

Photo: Don Dunbar The Pirate Cannon Line

Photo: Mission Pirates Standing Around Waiting

Out at sea, they had problems of their own to deal with. Perhaps I should back up a step and explain things a bit. This year there were four boats plying the waters in front of the fort in support
Photo: William Red Wake
The Owl at Sea, Towing her Jolly Boat of the pirates. (Well, at least it seemed to me that they were in support of the pirates based on the commentary I heard while on one of them. But I am getting ahead of myself.)

Three of these boats were schooners who provided any pirates willing with free passage. These pirates were free to bring their weapons and fire from the ship at the land. These three ships were the Sarah, sailed by Danger Charters, the Adirondack sailed by Classic Harbor Line and the Schooner Jolly Rover II. Mercury Quartermaster William Red Wake and Mercury non-captain Captain Jim were on the Jolly Rover II.

There was another, privately-owned boat out there by the name of the Owl, which had been brought all the way down to Key West from somewhere like Pennsylvania for the event. I was a big fan of the Owl because it was probably most like the boats that the vast majority of Caribbean pirates would have sailed in the 17th century. (Schooners had just been created and most pirates did not have the wherewithal or manpower to run larger craft.)

Photo: William Red Wake Captain Jim Watches the Adirondack

Photo: Don Dunbar The Sarah & Jolly Rover II

Photo: William Red Wake William Looking all Quartermasterly on the J. Rover II

Photo: William Red Wake
Captain Jim Points out the Hat... or Land... or a Girl in a Bikini
Captain Jim Described the bit of drama that occurred while he and William were aboard the Jolly Rover II, which I will quote here in full. "On the first sailing day one of the pyrates aboard the Jolly II Roger had her hat go by the board. Over the side. Into the drink. Captain Rio immediately asked the poor unfortunate, 'Do you want that hat?' As it was a Jeff MacKay,
Photo: Magnum PI
Jeff MacKay as 'Mac' the answer was a resounding yes! So we did a man overboard drill and it was recorded in the log as such. It also seems that I inadvertently ratted her out to her husband who told her before the trip to be careful with the hat, the fallout of which William bore the brunt of in my stead. Then on Sunday both showed up at the Mercury camp and we smoothed it all out by suggesting that by losing her hat she caused the crew to practice the MO drill, thus saving future lives. She, and the hat, are heroes!"

I also heard something about an umbrella, but only a young girl passenger seemed concerned about that.

Photo: William Red Wake The Lost Hat

Photo: William Red Wake Jolly Rover II Crew Retrieves the Hat

Photo: William Red Wake The Owner Relieved

Photo: Diz Nee The Lost Umbrella

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The battle itself was limited to cannon firing on both sides and a spate of small arm firing from the pirate's side wing. We weren't allowed to have drawn swords on the field of battle for some reason this year, so what we could do there was a bit limited. There were first several rounds of back-and-forth cannon shots on each side. We begin with the British cannoneers.

Photo: Don Dunbar Captain Spike and his 'Bumpy Crew'

Photo: Don Dunbar The Viceroy and Gareth

Photo: Diane Mueller The Viceroy Does St. Vitis's Jig for the Men

Photo: Don Dunbar A Panoramic Shot of the British Cannon Firing Line Touching off Their Guns

The pirates had several cannons and crews to man them as well and they returned the British fire. (Or maybe they incited the fight and the British were returning their fire. I really should pay more attention at those meetings.)

Photo: Don Dunbar The Archangel Cannon Crew Pose for a Group Photo

Photo: Mission Pirates Preparing Their Cannons With Ships Adding Support

Photo: Don Dunbar The Pirates Firing One of Their Cannons at the British Forces

Photo: Mission The Deck Gun Crew

At the same time as the cannon fire, there was small arms shot from the pirate side.

Photo: Mission The Pirate Guns Line Looking Left

Photo: Don Dunbar The Pirate Gun Line Looking Right

The pirates were also supported (again, as near as I can tell)
Photo: William Red Wake
The Sarah Making an Attack Run on the Fort
Photo: Don Dunbar
The Sarah and Adirondack pass close to land...and each other! by the various boats who were participating in the battle. William Red Wake commented on the boat's participation: "I can't say enough about the handling of the ships during the battle. I never expected to class so close to shore and one another. You know you're close to shore when the English line ashore complains of the noise from the ships' cannons."

Photo: William Red Wake Captain Jim fires a shot into the melee from the Jolly Rover II

Photo: William Red Wake The Adirondack attacking. Doesn't Cascabel look like a cowboy?

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Photo: Poppa Ratsey
Take that, Lobster back. And that and that and this little one too! With all black powder for the large ordnance used up, the two forces decided to advance on each other. This was sort of hampered on the British side by the fact that they didn't actually have any working guns with them. As a result, they decided to bring cannon swabs to a gun fight.

Now you might be sitting there, thinking smugly to yourself in your easy chair with your pipe and cognac that this proves some absurdly hoary old cliche about bringing inappropriate weapons to military battles where the other side has more powerful weapons. As you can clearly see in the photo at right, however, you would clearly be talking through your hat. Yes, friends, sometimes a cannon swab is all that's needed, even in a gun fight. (So there.)

Photo: Diane Mueller Advancing British Line Sans Weapons

Photo: Mission Crudbeard Carries the Flag

Photo: Diane Mueller Pirates Advance, Avoiding Devil's Triangle

Photo: Diane Mueller
Mission- Out Standing in His Field Now you may have noticed a complete lack of the author's presence on most of this page so far.

This is because up until this point in the proceedings, I had been pretty much useless. Oh, I wandered around the backfield, trying to stay out of everyone's way (and behind the muzzles), taking some really bad photos as you've probably noticed. Other than that, however, I was just sort of standing around as can be seen in the image at left.

Once the cannon-fire stopped, however, people could advance. Since none of the cannoneers really had any weapons, they had nothing to do. This meant it was time to have some battle damage. This further meant that it was time for the ship's surgeon and his brand new bag to go into action!

Photo: Poppa Ratsey The Wounded Brit Soldiers Who Get No Help from Me

Photo: Poppa Ratsey The Wounded Pirates Who, In This Case, Also Get No Help From Me.

Photo: Don Dunbar
Sandi, Pirate Flag Bearer, Going Down For the Count Some people went down allowing me to rush... well, no, despite what you see in the photo below left, that's not really fair... amble over to them and try and treat them with the clyster syringe and/or the bandages. I effected several cures, especially when the wounded saw the clyster syringe coming out of the bag. They would then say something like, "Don't come near me with that thing!" and jump up, straightening the back of their waistcoats as they did so. Another Mission Miracle Cure saves the day!

I did manage to get Israel with it, even though I suspect he enjoyed that whole bit more than he should have. As a joke, I also took the (apparently) dead flag bearer's flag and covered her with it, which got an "Awwwww!" from the folks watching the battle field from the fort wall. Alas, I could find no photos of this, although, basically, it's just a picture of the flag draped over Sandi Bilbo.

Photo: Diane Mueller What? Tea's ready?

Photo: Diane Mueller Mission (lower right) Bandaging

Photo: Don Dunbar The Patented Mission Miracle Cure Being Used on Reggie

Of course, there is no battle without an audience. (Actually, there is. We were mostly oblivious to the audience, as you can see below right.) This is not for any lack of effort on the part of the narrators. Scarlett Jai and Diosa had been up on the fort wall with the audience positioned providing narration of the events happening on the field. Our efforts must have been inspiring, based on the response of said audience (as seen below right. Say, how come they can use swords in battle and we can't?)

Photo: Mission "Psst. Hawkins... Don't Look Now, but..."

Photo: Diane Mueller Fort Wall Narrators Disagree on the Fine Points

Photo: Diane Mueller A Private Duel Inspired by the Battle

Which brings us to the end of the Friday battle.

What do you mean, 'Who won?' How should I know? If you really want to keep up with such things, you should come down to the event and attend the Safety and Battle Planning meeting like I had to. (Except you could pay attention like I didn't and then you'd know who won. I think it may have been a draw, but don't quote me.)

There is one last bit of business - the fate of the Jolly Roger II. They brought their crew in safe to port, with Mercury Quartermaster William Red Wake splicing the mizzen jib or some such thing. No paint was scraped in the docking, so they celebrated by taking the riotous-looking photo seen below. Looks like they had fun, doesn't it?

Photo: William Red Wake's Camera QM William Earning His Keep

Photo: William's Camera The Crew of the Jolly Rover II Celebrate Their Safe Return to Port. Or Maybe Starboard.

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